Leah D'Emilio

It’s late. I have insomnia. I’m mindlessly browsing the internet, mainly reading through random people’s Facebook updates and Tweets. The Beatle’s “Eleanor Rigby” (All the Lonely People) comes to mind. So here I am writing. Because it’s sad. This online world is changing the way people are living – in both positive & negative ways in the ‘real’ world. But tonight, I feel the negatives. And I’d like to share them with you and see if we can’t get a discussion going.

The human need for interaction and validation is remarkable and, fortunately or unfortunately, a fundamental part of our lives – if I may even go as far as to say, of our survival. Facebook and Twitter are two platforms that highlight this fact perfectly. Now, I’m not questioning the value of social media for marketing or for selling your brand or business. Or for spreading the word for important causes. Those are separate categories from the ones of which I have swirling around in my mind right now at 4:00 a.m. In this moment, I’m focused on what I’ve observed about human behavior on social networks. Just “normal” day to day updates from people around the world related to self, romance, success, family, friends, etc.

In the era of Facebook and Twitter, living life has turned into archiving life in real-time. It appears to me that people are living with a concerned mindset of how they and their lives will be perceived by their various social networks. Consequently, what should be naturally occurring moments or thoughts become manipulated, exaggerated portraits or prose of people trying to impress each other. And we all end up drowning in the bullshit.

Or, consider the super mundane outbursts that can be even more depressing than the over-the-top-aren’t-I-amazing status updates. People just reaching out for some kind of sign that someone out there is “listening” and “likes” the fact that they’re “so tired, must…get…coffee…” or “can’t wait to see my BF this weekend, it sure has been lonely here.”

Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of good in social media and sharing. It can be fun and worthwhile. It can even be interesting and mind-opening. And I participate in it just like everyone else. But I would like to point out these things that have been bothering me for quite some time now and…surprise, surprise…to see if anyone else feels the same. You see. I don’t really want to be alone in my opinions or feelings either. It’s the damn V-word. Validation. I must admit, however, that I am a bigger fan of the C-word. Conversation. Though, I suppose one could argue that validation results through conversation. Oh, well. You get what I mean.

Fundamentally, we all want to be accepted in some way by at least one person in our life. I could go deep into psychological theories here, but I’ll save that for the real experts. In some way, shape or form, we all would like to be told we’re beautiful. To be told we’re smart. To be told we have a great idea. To be told we’re fun. To be told “I agree with and understand you”. And the list goes on and on and on. This is nothing new in human nature. It’s just that now, a large population of people have access to communication channels that can broadcast this out to everyone and anyone across the globe. This is why social media is so successful and addicting. We’re social networks. Um, wow. I mean, we’re social creatures. Born to communicate and to connect.

So, what’s the point of my rant? My point is that it becomes problematic when you change the way you live in order to manipulate and market your chosen online persona. It’s problematic when you greet your online “friends” first before the person who is physically next to you. It’s problematic when you would prefer to write out your thoughts rather than deal with an actual face-to-face conversation. Or as it seems to be nowadays, even talking on the phone is becoming too “intimate”. God forbid you would have to give an immediate response without fact checking or editing your answer until it’s “just right”. It’s problematic if you start to feel like your life is shit because of what you see and read about other people online in your “network”. It’s problematic if you lose sight of reality and start giving more value to your online self and not to your real self. It’s problematic if you’re more interested in what complete strangers have to say about you than people who actual love and care about you for who you are.

Why should you be aware of this? Because in the end we’re all going to die. Yup. There it is. Morbid Leah. But I don’t mean it in a morbid way. I mean it as a wake-up call, as a reminder, as a flash of inspiration that…when you’re dead and gone your super sweet online profiles and followings won’t mean much. But, what you did in real life, what you contributed to your community, how you treated people, how you loved your family and friends…that is what will matter. And those people will memorialize you. And consequently validate you and your life because of something real. Because you were real.

So, this weekend if you’re up for it: resist the temptation to document your every move. Upload your photos the day after that kick-ass night at the club. Spend more time living in the moment and really connecting with people. Notice how often you think “in updates”. Resist. Notice how nice it is to take the pressure off yourself and to whole-heartedly enjoy the world around you as it is. Look someone in the eyes when you’re talking with them instead of at your phone. In fact, keep your phone in your pocket.

Let go of the fear of forgetting and of being forgotten and maybe you’ll actually remember and be remembered.

As always, I invite you to share your thoughts. Thanks for reading.

Tags: behavior, demilio, facebook, humans, in the moment, leah, leah demilio, living, lonely, networks, people, psychology, social media, status, twitter, validation